February in Review

7:15 AM

So February...happened.  That is about all I can say.  
I had actually planned to post to this blog during the month of February.  I actually wanted to use the month to get into a two-per-week habit that would launch me into a three-per-week habit in March.  
But then the first week went by and I was tired.  The second week I was uninspired.  (Sorry for the unintentional rhyme.)  And then my break from writing became intentional.  Not surprisingly, it also coincided with a break from any actual training.  Complete and total couch-potato-ness.  It wasn’t that I was doing nothing.  It is just that what I was doing in February, for a rare span of time, had nothing to do with physical activity.  
The results?  
Still working on it.  Mindfulness is a pretty big change for me and my thinking.  I find it most telling that I cannot seem to describe it without using my usual language of comparison (“I feel like I am getting better…”), striving (“I want to be able to leave work without my OCD interfering…”) or judgement (“This is hard…”).  I cannot even say that this is a process, because it isn’t.  I’m just trying to be.  Still working on it.
I did find ways to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into my February days.  It turns out the body scan is just something I used to do a long time ago in my previous organized athletic life and got away from.  Doing it now is like snuggling under a warm and old blanket from my childhood.  Now that I’ve been able to approach yoga without striving I find I am actually getting lost in it and enjoying it (wait...is that striving language?).  Let’s just say it is not a chore or a task in my day.  
While this was happening, everything else just slipped off my radar. House projects remain untouched, bikes sit by uselessly in the winter chill. I've started to read regularly again, but only by picking up the lightest and fluffiest of books that my inner-English-major-self is scoffing at. So be it.

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